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Mal's Medicine
In Movie Malcontent's
previous incarnation, I posted my general opinions about movies in these
blurbs with Diagnoses and Prescriptions. Mal's Medicine was not
intended to give a hint to my day job; it was just a way of doling out my
opinions using "cute" alliteration while poking fun at the pretentious
smarter-than-thou attitude of most movie critics. Enjoy.
- Bryan Stumpf
3.15.07
|
M A L ' S M
E D I C I N E | posted 2.22.05 |
| Diagnosis: A Howard Hughes-style paranoia and dread caused by fear that The Aviator director Martin Scorsese may lose his fifth chance to win a Best Director Oscar to Golden Globe winner Clint Eastwood, director of Million Dollar Baby. |
| Prescription: Plenty of rest, with the assurance that even if Scorsese doesn't win Best Director for The Aviator, he'll have the Academy's finest consolation prize, the Lifetime Achievement Award, within 10 years. |
|
M A L ' S M
E D I C I N E | posted 11.23.04 |
| Diagnosis: Reverse xenophobia caused by Hollywood resorting to buying the rights to Asian cinema masterpieces and reproducing Americanized carbon copies. Symptoms may occur during screenings of Shall We Dance? and The Grudge - the original versions of both films were released in Japan during the 90s. Symptoms are often triggered by the realization that the remakes are no different than the Japanese originals, other than plugging Hollywood name actors into the lead roles with English dialogue. |
| Prescription: See the original Shall We Dance? and Ju-On: The Grudge, both available on on DVD. And when Jet Li's Hero is released on DVD on November 30, remind Hollywood that American audiences can appreciate subtitled Asian films, just as you did with Hero's theatrical release - to the tune of a $54 million domestic haul. |
|
M A L ' S M
E D I C I N E | posted 2.5.04 |
| Diagnosis: Persistent groan-inducing deja vu due to recognizing how Oscar nominations are so often "grandfathered in" - earned more by Academy cronyism, than for artistic triumphs. Past examples include some of the Jack Nicholson's nominations. This year's example: Ben Kingsley, stealing the slot in the Best Actor category that should have gone to Ian McKellen for his work in The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. |
| Prescription: Avoid taking Academy nominations and awards too seriously. The Academy too often lavishes praise onto over-produced, over-hyped Hollywood product instead of challenging, innovative, and vitalizing work. But on the rare year, like this one, the Oscar ceremony, though achingly shallow, introduces a wide audience to those smaller, independent films that rarely make it to the multiplex, like Whale Rider and City of God. |
|
M A L ' S M
E D I C I N E | posted 1.2.04 |
|
Diagnosis:
Loss of equilibrium and irrational
appetite caused by noticing there are NO Golden Globe acting nominations
for
The Return of the King. To
paraphrase Molly Mayock of the Broadcast Film Critic Association before
the announcement of the nominations: "If no acting awards go to Ian
McKellen, Viggo Mortenson, or Sean Astin for The Return of the King,
you will see me fall off my chair and eat the carpet." |
| Prescription: A dose of realization that the Golden Globes are a joke and that the Hollywood Foreign Press Association (the assemblage who choose nominees and awards for the GG) is NOT a coalition of film critics. They are simply journalists who are the most gullible to hype and least credible of the many groups that award excellence in film this time of year. (Though only slightly more credible, the Oscars will be televised live on February 29th. Make sure to check and see my Sept 10th prediction about Bill Murray winning a Best Actor nomination for Lost in Translation come true.) |
|
M A L ' S M
E D I C I N E | posted 12.3.03 |
|
Diagnosis: Allergic reaction
to Dr. Seuss' The
Cat in the Hat, the newest over-produced Hollywood adaptation of the
charming children's book that was clearly
never intended for feature length live- action film. Symptoms may
be similar to the pain and nausea caused by Ron Howard's How the
Grinch Stole Christmas. |
| Prescription: Watch Master and Commander, based on the Patrick O'Brian novels that were clearly intended for the big screen, and clearly intended to be directed by Peter Weir and starring Russell Crowe. |
|
M A L ' S M
E D I C I N E | posted 11.5.03 |
|
Diagnosis:
Elf-itis:
acute pain caused by watching ex-Swinger Jon Favreau attempting a
leap into directing kiddie Christmas movies. Other symptoms may
include wistfulness for a time when Favreau played to his strengths --
buddying up with Vince Vaughn and writing with a keen eye about
the truths and facades of dating, a la
Swingers. |
| Prescription: Watch The School of Rock, in which writer Mike White proves to be modern comedy's most reliable and unpredictable writer. (If SOR is already out of the theatre where you are, try the over the counter alternative Orange County, available on VHS/DVD.) |
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Bryan Stumpf.
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